Is Friendship Based on Compatibility or Chemistry?

Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies. - Aristotle -

People often confuse between compatibility and chemistry. Compatibility is about making things and people aligned as per the expectations to move forward successfully. However, chemistry is something beyond compatibility that is churned to ensure effectiveness in performance and longevity in relations. I would like to share my personal observation in this regard.

I have a mother who has been close with her friend for at least fourty years. Their friendship survived for 40 years and you can imagine the kind of friendship they enjoy. They attended each other's marriage function years ago and subsequently their friendship grew stronger with the interaction of her husband (my father) and her childrens including me with her friend's family members. Her friend has two daughter and she have two sons and three daughters. One of her friend's daughter and I have almost of similar age. She wanted that their friendship should extend to next generation the way their friendship with her friend grew. Hence, one day she told me to move closely and make friendship with her friend’s daughter who are also very good by nature and behavior. I agreed and began moving in a friendly way. We developed some degree of compatibility and began getting well. However, I have my own friends and moving with them with great bonds. I began thinking why me could not build great bonds with her friend’s daughter like our parent did.. Later on I realized that choosing friendship is our prerogative and we can choose as per our comfort and tastes and even temperaments. In addition, I felt that friendship cannot be created when someone advises to develop it. Friendship is a spark that is created when both mind and heart match with that of others. Friendship is beyond boarders that is cultivated based on various reasons some are known and some unknown.

We find some families break up due to lack of chemistry between wife and husband. At the time of marriage they may have compatibility and get married and after marriage they may not develop right chemistry leading to divorces and break-up. Therefore, why do people choose friends and how they are connected is still a mystery. Therefore, we can only advise others to make friendship but we cannot force them as friendship is a sacred relation connecting both mind and heart of different people thus bringing together. Hence, friendship requires more of chemistry than compatibility.